Car rides and mindfulness.

Hello, and we are glad you are here for another edition of our newsletter! It’s been two weeks since we wrote…so Blue and I will dive right in!

An update.

If you viewed our last newsletter, you will know about the Bunny Palooza that is happening in our yard each night. The festivities have not slowed down…nor has the number of gatherers decreased. This is clearly evidenced by the amount of bunny poo that is left for us each morning to find, collect and remove.

Last week I mentioned that Blue is highly trained with the “leave it” command but also suffers from a medical condition known as selective hearing. Well, I learned there could actually be a different diagnosis…

Blue and I had a meeting with one of our beloved professors at Blue’s school and, while discussing an unrelated topic, Professor D started speaking about the characteristics of selective hearing versus auditory exclusion.

Professor D gave an example of selective hearing:

—If I’m working at a busy, front office desk with lots of people around…I might hear part of what is happening around me.

Professor D then gave an example of auditory exclusion:

—If I’m very intently focused on a project…I may not hear anything that is being said to me.

Well, this can be true for dogs too…that is, they can be so intently focused on something (say the “search and discovery” of bunny poo)…that they simply can’t hear the “leave it” command.

So now I am concerned that Blue actually suffers from auditory exclusion and just can’t hear me when I say “Blue…leave it. Please do not eat the bunny poo.”

This boy takes a lot of work! But, he is earnestly trying!

Car drama.

Blue loves to go on car rides, and I take him to as many places as I can. He knows when I am getting ready to go, FOMO kicks in, and he won’t leave my side.

—I ask him to “sit” at the back door, and when I open it I ask him to “wait”. Then I say “ok” and he runs out of the door.

—He gets to the backseat passenger car door…and I notice a complete energy shift. This is where Blue transforms into a complete lollygagger…

—The negotiations.

I ask Blue to “go” (meaning - get into the car)…He looks at me, I look at him. The standoff begins…

At this point, I have a flashback to my orthodontic practice. Scheduling patients was always an issue. It was a constant dance of trying to satisfy every parent and patient around their school schedules, their work schedules, and their after school activities. No matter what days and hours my team and I worked or how flexible we were…we couldn’t please everyone, and it was a career long battle.

At one point, we had a very experienced practice consultant come in and spend a few days with us to help us with different aspects of my business. To say she was “direct” would be an understatement. But she understood working with the public and gave us clear guidance that helped me, in particular, start to break out of the pleaser mode and start to make some changes that were best for our entire team.

When it came to scheduling patients…she taught our team that “the person who speaks first, loses”. Period.

So, if a parent was demanding a time that we could not accommodate without wrecking our schedule…we should offer a few days/times that would work for our office and then just stop talking. This sometimes led to horribly awkward silence, but it worked.

So, now I am in this standoff with Blue. I’m trying hard not to break eye contact with him, and all I can think is just be still and quiet because the one who speaks or moves first loses.

So, I maintain stillness and stay quiet. Blue looks at the seat and looks at me. He sniffs the car door and looks at me. He looks at the garage floor and looks at me. And when he feels like it…he jumps into the back seat.

As these standoffs started to increase in duration…I remembered a concept I learned from a book:

“Negotiate in their world. Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are. It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea. So don’t beat them with logic or brute force. Ask them questions that open paths to your goals. It’s not about you.”―Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

So, sometimes I try to open the path for Blue to discover the solution I want which is simply to get into the freaking car…so I say things like:

“We could go for a nice long walk.”

“Maybe we can stop at Starbucks and I’ll get you a pup cup.”

“Would you like to go to school to see your friends?”

“Your girlfriend might be in class.”

Nonchalantly, Blue comes to his own conclusion that he would like to jump into the car. I harness him in, get a few sweet kisses and away we go.

—Power naps.

For years I practiced a style of hot yoga that required the room temperature be around 90-95°F. And, at one point I got brave enough to try Bikram yoga which required 105°F. I vividly remember my first Bikram class. I walked in and went directly to the back of the room so that I could blend in with the wall. It was a ninety minute class, and the instructor shut the door and asked that we stay in the room. What I didn’t recognize was that there were heaters directly over me.

Bikram yoga consists of a standardized series of poses and breathing exercises. And, Savasana is a pose that recurs throughout the practice. Savasana is a restful pose that you take by lying on your back in stillness.

Well, during the earlier parts of class…I sort of took my time getting into Savasana each time it was called. But what I quickly realized was that there was approximately 20 seconds to arrive into the pose and soak in the rest before having to move on to the next pose.

So as the class continued I began to fly into Savasana like I was sliding into home base. I was exhausted from the practice AND the heat, and I wanted EVERY second of rest I could get. I still laugh at myself when I think of how quickly this body actually moved.

What does Bikram yoga have to do with Blue in the car?

Well, once Blue and I complete the negotiations and Blue decides he wants to jump into the backseat, he immediately slides into Savasana to begin his power napping. It’s hilarious!

Intermittently, he pops up to look out the window, smell where we are and where we are going. But then he disappears back into Savasana for an energy reboot.

Our Tuesday outing.

So once we finally got going in the car, we had a great morning ahead. Blue and I took a nice little walk along the river. It was cool and the air felt amazing. Blue was sporting a new harness and a new leash. I had a pocket full of turkey slices to keep him focused on me. I made up some turkey song lyrics as we walked…sang them proudly as if I have the voice of Lady Gaga, and we had a great time. Blue did amazing.

Then we headed to Starbucks. Blue and I both have a fierce love for Starbucks. I choose a trenta black ice tea with extra ice. And, I ask Blue every time if he wants his “usual”….and every time he says “yes” to a pup cup. I always ask for just a tiny cup filled only about half way up. Blue LOVES it!

—We met a friend for conversation and had a lovely visit. Blue was patient and just hung out with us. He behaved like a pro in that public space!

When we got back home from our outing…we agreed it was time to work on our newsletter. I sat in a small recliner with my computer on my lap. I placed Blue’s Halloween blanket on the floor so that he would have something soft to lay on. (Blue loves his blankets…a story for another day.)

Blue snugged his way in between the recliner and my feet. And he fell asleep.

I was focused on outlining our newsletter but eventually became aware of Blue’s body resting against my feet.

I closed my laptop and took the opportunity to close my eyes and start to notice what was happening in that moment.

—I turned my attention to Blue’s belly and how it felt soft, furry and warm against my feet.

—I noticed Blue’s belly moving with his inhales and exhales. I noticed how that movement felt against my feet.

—I noticed the sound of Blue’s inhales and exhales. And, the sound of his sweet little moans.

—I noticed my inhales and exhales.

—I noticed how we were breathing together.

And, I just sat in those moments with Blue…

So grateful again for Blue’s invitation to the present moment. For his invitation to practice mindfulness…

What we are loving this week.

—Blue turns 3.5 years old. We will certainly have to make a Starbucks run to celebrate this beautiful little Spiritual Being!

—Blue got a new Chuckit!!! Lots of Blue Dog 400s at our house!

—We are rewatching the Ted Lasso series AGAIN. I can’t even count the number of times we have watched it. We are big fans!

Thank you for following along with our stories. We wish you all the best. And, until our paths cross again,