The three minute separation.

Hello, and welcome to the second edition of our newsletter! Today, I want to share a little about our dog training school and introduce you to a few friends.

When we first brought Blue home, we knew that we wanted to teach him to be a good little citizen so that we could have him fully integrate into our lives. We envisioned visits with family and friends, outdoor adventures, travel, dining and shopping….all with our cute little guy.

And…because Blue is SO brilliant AND one of a kind, we only wanted the absolute best private school we could find. So naturally we sought out the highest ranked, most credentialed and competitive school in our area. There was an application process, multiple interviews, some testing….and then we were finally granted admission...

Or…maybe we asked a friend for a recommendation, had a consultation, and just started making payments on the “Super Dog” package…

…but the first version is certainly how I remember it in my mind. And, I’m guessing most of you reading this essay can relate to the underlying “brilliance bias” (I think I just made that up) we have about our cherished furry family members…

It does make me laugh at the thought of me actually being a human parent. I’m quite certain I would have been the parent nobody could stand. Though…that still may hold true in Blue’s school as well!

Nevertheless, our dog training school is awesome. Everyone who works at Blue’s school loves dogs and is truly interested in helping us all succeed. They skillfully teach us humans how to communicate with our dogs so that we can achieve the behaviors we want.

We started going to the campus when Blue was a puppy–that is, as soon Blue had all of his shots and this overprotective mama was willing to let any other human or dog come into the same room with him. Oh my…I was perhaps a little over the top in safety precautions. And, unknowingly, I surely contributed to Blue’s separation anxiety. Not good.

Aside from puppy classes, we have attended AND graduated summa cum laude from amazing specialty classes such as…tricks, agility, formal retrieve, foothills etiquette, public access, service dog...the list goes on. OK…it may be that “everyone” gets a certificate at the end of these classes….but we collect the damn certificates! And, I proudly have them displayed in a blue binder just for Blue.

We currently maintain a monthly membership that allows us to attend group classes each week. In our household, we proudly choose a school membership for Blue over a gym membership for either one of his parents…

Now, you might think all of this schooling would achieve linear results…and that we should at least be finishing a Bachelor of Science in dog training by now…but that has not been our particular experience.

Sometimes I think…“we’ve got this”. Blue is glued to my side, eyes on me, “whatever you wish for mom, I will oblige”.

And…then there are other days when Blue just looks at me… “are you kidding me with that leash? Sit??? What does that even mean?”

And so we continue to show up at classes, and take the wins when we can.

When we attend any class…the rules are always firm. This is not recess…so no “nose to nose” or “nose to butt” contact with any other dog. This is a hard one for us as Blue believes he is everyone’s best friend. He likes to work the room…offer some paw bumps, make sure everyone feels included. We have been in trouble more times than I can count for us not minding our space. And, we really try hard..but sometimes there is just a cute little girl dog or a new BFF that Blue just has to say hi to!

But…in one of our outdoor classes (when our trainer wasn’t looking–just kidding) we DID make some friends that we hang out with outside of classes.

We met Dak, a very handsome, Chocolate Labrador. Dak trains with his dad and is a service dog to his mom. He is SO well behaved and attentive to his parents. So smart and such a sweetie! Oh!...Any type of ball is his favorite toy ever!

We met Sid, a 165 pound, majestic, brindle-colored Boerboel. Spoiled by his parents and trains with his mom. Sid has a casual walk about him, appreciates some “down time” but can certainly get a move on if something piques his interest.

So…Blue, Dak and Sid have become friends. They routinely hang out together…on a walking path, on a trail, in a coffee shop, a brewery. They are super cute, and Blue definitely gets an extra bit of swagger about him when he is with his friends.

I mentioned Blue’s separation anxiety earlier…Well there is a test we really wanted to pass called the Canine Good Citizen Test. It basically means we have a set of skills where we can be polite and behave nicely. But, one of the tasks on that test is for Blue to be separated from me for 3 minutes…out of sight. He has to be relatively still, can’t be anxious and can’t be vocal. This portion of the test was a problem for us. It was actually heartbreaking.

Blue is with me or my husband all the time. We take him everywhere, don’t really have a lot of visitors…he is completely attached to us. As one of our trainers put it…Blue and I are “codependent”. (I didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended when our trainer said that to me—a bit of a harsh truth bomb–haha.)

But when Blue was separated from me…he would cry and try to bolt and was physically so anxious it was awful to experience and watch. We practiced in private lessons, at home, in the park, in various stores……and always the same separation anxiety for Blue… and me. I just couldn’t help him understand that it would be ok…that he was ok.

Then, one day…Blue, Sid and Dak just happened to be sitting next to each other in one of our large group classes. Our trainer called for us to do a 3 minute separation. So, I asked Blue to “down” and then to “wait”…and I walked away out of his sight.

To my complete surprise…I didn’t hear the loud cries coming from the other room. I didn’t hear a ruckus of Blue trying to bolt for me. And I peeked around the corner to see Blue looking for me…but calmly laying down. No noise, no panic in his body. Just a quiet but focused look trying to know where I was. It was incredible. He was so brave, and I was so proud of him.

The difference this time…Blue was with Sid and Dak.

I do want to note that Sid and Dak were also focused on where their parents were. They were not immune to the separation…but they didn’t at all go into panic mode. They were focused and calm. And they waited for their parents to return.

Since then, when I ask Blue for a 3 minute separation….he waits and he remains calm. We have succeeded several times now so I’m feeling very hopeful we have faced this giant!

So…I started thinking as I so often do…

In my life, I sometimes fancy myself as so unique or misunderstood. I almost wear it as a badge of honor…

I believe that nobody else could possibly understand what I’m thinking, feeling or experiencing. Nobody knows what my fears, my hurts, my losses, my obsessions, my compulsions, my disappointments feel like. Or my excitement and joys for that matter. So, I get into this space where I become very quiet and closed off. It’s this self imposed loneliness...

And, then something will remind me…“am I really alone?”

Watching Blue with Sid and Dak living in the moment…

-Not focused on anything but their parents

-Sharing experiences

-Sid and Dak showing Blue the way…

……When I extrapolate that to humans…I’m reminded that we are all so interconnected in many of our experiences, feelings, thoughts, fears, desires, joys…

I received so many responses after the first edition of our newsletter. Responses that said…“I could see myself in your story.” “I related to what you were saying.” “Were you reading my mind?”

Blue gives me opportunities every day to come into the present moment with him, to see things as they are…in this moment…then this moment. And, in this story, he reminded me about connection.

Maybe some of this resonates with you too??

I’ll close this edition by sharing a quote from Maya Angelou:

“In all my work, what I try to say is that as human beings, we are more alike than we are unalike.”

Until our paths cross again we wish you the best,

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*If you missed it, please feel free to check out our first edition of the newsletter from 3-27-25. It should be in the archive and does provide a little context on why we started Dogs & Mindfulness.

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